MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

"From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30 pm."

A Bishop was holding a leadership meeting. A baby in the nearby nursery was crying, making it difficult for the Bishop to conduct the meeting. He excused himself and left the room.

During the war, a group of soldiers were ambushed. Fire was exchanged and during it all, a young LDS soldier was hit in the chest. The others had no choice but to retreat, leaving their friend's body in the tall grass.

Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam
Yes, this is Sam;

When turning left ensure that you are in the right-hand lane, thus crossing as many lanes of traffic as possible and causing havoc astern.

Indicating is sissy.

Many have experienced the confusion of traffic accidents and have had to summarize correctly what happened in a few words or less on insurance or accident forms. The following quotes were taken from those forms and were eventually published in the Toronto Sun on July 27, 1977.

Contrary to what many women believe, it's easy to develop a long-term, intimate and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course, this guy has to be a Labrador Retriever. With human guys, it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.

Little known to the body of the Church, during the summer of 1940, a hitchhiker traveling across the southwest desert made a marvelous discovery while searching for a place to bed down in a cave. Unable to sleep, the hitchhiker began picking at a crack in the floor of the cave, and to his dismay, found nothing less than the lid to a stone box. Upon removing the lid he discovered a set of aluminum plates, a switchblade knife, and a pair of fuzzy dice.